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> "As he talked, his hat fell into the guacamole in front of him, and he picked it out and put it back on – unfortunately, with a blob of guacamole attached, which began to slide down the brim. Ron Meyer tapped my leg to draw my attention to it, and we all watched in horrified fascination as it slid lower and lower while Michael was pitching us hard on how he was America’s next action hero. Then the blob fell off, and Ron totally lost it. I cracked up, too, and Michael stalked out.

> "I went and found him and explained for fifteen minutes that we hadn’t been laughing at him, but at the incident. … Finally, Michael’s face cleared. ‘Okay, Ovitz. Okay,’ he said. ‘But I want to play James Bond.’ I am proud to report I didn’t laugh, this time.

> "You’re thinly built, you’re too sensitive, you won’t be credible as a block of stone. You’d be great at it, of course, but it’d be bad for you."

-- Michael Ovitz, a Hollywood super agent, recalls in the new memoir Who Is Michael Ovitz? the time Michael Jackson tried to convince him the King of Pop could take on the role of British Secret Agent 007. Though Jackson did deliver an iconic performance in The Wiz, starred in Moonwalker, and appeared in Men in Black 2, we should count ourselves lucky he never graced the screen as James Bond. It would've been as unbelievable and awkward as his kiss with then-wife Lisa Marie Presley at the 1994 MTV Video Music Awards.