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8 Signs That Your Marriage Isn't Working Anymore

People change. Relationships devolve. Here are the signs your marriage isn’t working anymore before you’re blindsided by divorce.

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Marriage is often one of the highlights in a person's life as you decide to share everything with someone else. Unfortunately, though, you don't always take this step with someone you're compatible with, and even if you do, the changing nature of people sometimes is what makes a relationship cease working.

Experts from Learn Divorce Law sure know what the end of a relationship entails, and they've compiled a list of eight signs that your marriage isn't working anymore.

  1. Lack of intimacy, respect, and/or trust: These three elements are the basis of every relationship and when one of these is missing, the relationship can only suffer or collapse. While the lack of intimacy can be "excused" as sex isn't everything, it's important to emphasize that this isn't "nothing" either. Respect and trust, on the other hand, must be a constant, otherwise a relationship is not destined to last.
  2. Planning for the future without your spouse: This could mean making important financial choices without consulting your partner, or simply imagining a future where you're fine, or even better, without them. As gloomy as it might sound, putting yourself and your needs first is sometimes a necessity, mostly when plans haven’t been conciliable anymore.
  3. Keeping secrets: Not being able to rely on your partner any longer when it comes to personal secrets and private affairs is certainly a painful thought, especially if in the past it has always been easy to share everything with them. Whether it's you who no longer trusts your partner, or it's their “fault" because they no longer seem to have an interest in hearing about your problems, secrets are a sign that the relationship may have run out of time.
  4. Fighting over the same things over and over: Not being able to turn a blind eye to certain behaviors and arguing about the same topics over and over again is another red flag. Whether it's about more serious topics like politics or decisions about your children, or sillier ones like what to eat for dinner, failing to overcome any kind of argument indicates unwillingness to compromise and that there is a lack of effective communication.
  5. Or not fighting at all: This situation could be even worse than fighting repeatedly. As unpleasant as arguments and fights may be, they are sometimes necessary and a form of communication. If this fails and there isn't even the desire to express one's disappointment, the only answer could be separation.
  6. Dreading spending alone-time together: Not feeling excited about spending time alone with your partner is clearly a bad sign. But actively avoiding being alone with them is worse, because relationships are also based on quality time, and being able to explore the relationship regardless of family and children.
  7. Having unrealistic expectations for each other: When you decide to be with someone and even marry them, you need to be aware of their personality and mannerisms. You don't necessarily have to like everything about them, but the important thing is to love and accept everything. When this is no longer possible and you find yourself having unrealistic expectations for each other, the time has definitely come to admit that you no longer want them and it's not fair to ask them to change just to fit these expectations.
  8. Neither feels the need to make an effort anymore: Despite the issues listed above, it is sometimes possible that neither of you actually wants the relationship to end. However, if both parties (but even only one of the two) lack the desire to improve themselves and work on your marriage through couple's therapy or similar, then perhaps the time has come to put an end to it, even if it's difficult.