By Aaron Anderson
Despite the recent hype that marriage isnâ€™t for you, it actually is. Hereâ€™s why.
Iâ€™m sure by now youâ€™ve read the viral post by Seth Adam Smith about Marriage Isnâ€™t for You. In the article he states â€œTrue marriage (and true love) is never about you. Itâ€™s about the person you love â€” their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, â€œWhatâ€™s in it for me?â€ while Love asks, â€œWhat can I give?â€ As the editor of the Marriage section (originally appeared on The Good Men Project), I debated re-posting it here. But in my better judgment I decided against it because as a marriage counselor I wholeheartedly and fundamentally disagree with it. Hereâ€™s why:
Why I Disagree That Marriage Isnâ€™t For You
1) Itâ€™s a completely false notion that to be happy in your marriage all you have to do is make your spouse happy. This assumes two things that are not physically possible: 1) that thereâ€™s some magic button you can push that can somehow â€œmakeâ€ someone be happy. And 2) it assumes that by someone else being happy, it pushes another magic button that somehow makes you happy. The fact of the matter is, no such magic buttons exist. No matter how much you try to â€œmakeâ€ your spouse be happy thatâ€™s just simply not within your control. And even when your spouse is happy, that doesnâ€™t mean you will be. As one author recently wrote, thatâ€™s why the phrase â€œhappy wife, happy lifeâ€ is erroneous.