For quite some time now I’ve been noticing a popular trend of famous women gleefully admitting that they waited a specific amount of time before getting it in with their boyfriends, fiancÃ©s, and husbands. I started noticing this around 2006 when Alicia Keys was dating Kerry “Krucial” Brothers, and she revealed her body was “too beautiful” to be violated by someone who didn’t deserve it. Other celebs started to announce how chaste they were, and before long Steve Harvey released a book instructing women to treat their vaginas like a benefits package, thus introducing the infamous “three-month rule” into every day urban vernacular. So it wasn’t that surprising to hear Tia Mowry state that she waited a year to kiss her then-boyfriend-now-husband Cory Hardict.
*Disclaimer: To my knowledge, Mowry has never stated that she believes all women should wait one year before being intimate with their man, so this article is mainly addressing the comments I’ve heard many people make in regards to her revelation that she also waited a year before making love to her Hardict.*
What I’ve really found interesting is the reactions people have to finding out Mowry refused to be physical with him for one year. She has received a lot of praise for her decision, which I don’t necessarily have a problem with. But when those same folks start throwing major shade at everyone else, as if we’re having frivolous and disgusting sex, and we must adopt their way of doing things in order to find long-term relationship success. There has to be some middle ground.Â As a man, I always cringe when I hear people give sex and relationship advice that starts with: “You need to make a man wait [insert time period here] before having sex with him, so your relationship will work out!” Here’s why I hate that statement:
No one knows what’s best for you or your relationship.
I cannot stand the assumption that there is one “right” way to make a relationship work and there’s only one way to engage in a loving, happy relationship. People hop up on their soapboxes and say stupid shit like, “Well, I’m married and this worked for me, so you have to listen to what I’m saying,” and that’s complete crap. How you got to the altar and how your relationship works won’t necessarily work for me or anyone else.Â Mowry and Hardict built a long-term relationship without kissing for 365+ days, and I know, damn well, that is not going to work for me, which leads me to my next point:
The existence of a sexual appetite doesn’t make you a bad person.