When in a relationship, we love to share everything with our boo, but sometimes ladies, we share way too damn much. I may get some slack for this list but here it is anyway…
1) Showing him your Spanx: Spanx for those who are unaware are extremely tight, restricting, and binding undergarments that make you look like a mummy underneath your dress, and suck in all your fat, push up your boobs, and flatten your tummy. We all have them in some form or another so let’s just keep that to ourselves and not reveal that we have bound our thighs in fabric so tight we have to walk at a slight angle. And hey, he doesn’t need to know that your amazing cleavage is being supported by two little people under your breasts holding them up at perfect peaks. And is it that important that he think you really did 1,000 sit-ups to get your tummy so tight? No, because guess what – you look hot as hell in that dress, and it makes you feel good, and every actress in America wears them, so like I said let’s just keep it to ourselves ladies.
2) Burp or Fart: Here’s the thing about burping and farting…it’s as we all know a natural way for our body to expel some of the air that’s inside of it right? Once my brother burped a really foul smelling burp and blew it in my face. Ugh, just typing this brings the flashback in my mind and I sware I can smell that corn-nut/soda/stanky ass smell as I type, but I digress. He laughed and so did his immature friends, and I of course wanted to kick him in the nuts, but I digress again. That’s the thing about burping and farting, boys think they are hilarious when other boys do them. It’s like their guy call or something, how they choose to bond while playing playstation, or drinking beers and watching football. My point is you are not his homeboy, you are his boo and there is a difference. If you’re in a situation where you absolutely have to burp or fart use this method: You burp while “coughing” or fart while walking so as least it goes into a crown and doesn’t linger behind you like a huge stank arrow pointing at your tight butt in your Spanx.
3) Say the following: “Am I fat?”, “I feel so fat today.”, “I can’t eat that, I’m too fat.”, “Does this dress make me look fat?”: These type of sentences make men cringe. No man wants to hear how insecure you are. Think about it he is your man because he wants you, he has sex with you, he takes you out in public, and he holds your hand…No man does these things unless he wants you as you are. And sometimes out of comfort we ladies (and men) will put on a few pounds in our relationship right? It happens, so get up and go look in the mirror…see any extra fat that wasn’t there previously? Get your chunky self to the gym or accept yourself the way you are. Whatever the choice, do not complain about it. No one wants to hear about how fat you think you are, especially your man because guess what? Now you’ve made him actually think you are fat due to your incessant complaints.