â€œThis isnâ€™t working for me anymore,â€ he says abruptly one night on the phone, and youâ€™re stunned. Everything had been going great. Youâ€™d even been thinking about places to go on a summer vacation together, but unfortunately, he had other plans. And you did not see this coming.
Breakups are hard enough when you know things arenâ€™t working out and sense that the end is looming, but theyâ€™re even more painful when youâ€™re totally caught by surprise. What relationship was I in? you wonder, since it was obviously so different from the one your boyfriend was in. Questioning whether you were completely out of touch with reality, you search for red flags you may have missed, look for everything you could have done wrong, and long for answers.
But when a breakup comes on out-of-the-blue, itâ€™s usually not because of anything you did wrong. Abrupt endingsâ€”that happen when things never seemed better, and without any discernible warning signs or discussions about his relationship concernsâ€”usually have more to do with a guyâ€™s emotional unavailability or fear of commitment.
[Depressed woman image via Shutterstock]